A New Year

 

it’s 12 pm. in exactly 12 hours another year will fold it self!!

Yes I’m dramatic in that sense, but really looking back at 2010 I can’t seem to conjure up an emotion…

it has been a dull year, in all aspects!! I don’t hate it no, because it didn’t matter enough for me to hate, but I most certainly didn’t love it either!

And as previously mentioned I don’t do new years resolutions but I think we can all agree that I need change ASAP, so let’s join the cool kids and make a list of things I want to do no?

although I’ m pretty sure next year I’ll look at the list and think “what a huge disappointment this year has been” but at least I’ll  feel something towards that year.

So here’s to change. Cause 2o1o left no shoes whatsoever to be filled, therefor leaving 2011 a clean slate.

 

ps: is it just me or is writing 2011 feels wrong?

 

Multiple Personality Disorder

I went out for lunch this weekend with a friend that I’ve known for 11 years,

we were talking about how different we act around people and then a question presented it self was it hypocrisy? us having different personalities with different people.
Personally I didn’t think it was because for example when I hang out with my school friends I can never talk about the book I’m reading or the poem I just wrote or the latest Maroon 5 album or this tv show or that movie, talking about stuff that I actually like is out of the question. because it holds no interest to them it’s like I’m speaking in another language which is forbidden too.
I speak strictly in Arabic about food, the newest restaurant, family stuff and clothes… that pretty much sums up the conversations I’ve been having all last year and will be having the rest of this year. depressing I know…

On the other hand when I’m talking to this friend we always talk about our frustration with our current situation although we both acknowledge that we’re blessed in many ways we still feel limited, we always talk about books-or rather the lack of them over here- and we end up talking about the future our shared hopes and dreams of studying aboard somewhere respectable like Harvard, Yale and what not. We always feel comfortable about expressing our thoughts in whatever way/language we choose knowing that there will be no judgment whatsoever from the other person.Our conversations are always a welcomed change of the mind numbing school conversations I usually have, they constantly leave me hopeful and even more focused on the future.

And then there’s my best friend who’s always pulling me back to the present reminding me to enjoy the little things to live my life as it goes instead of planning for the future and forgetting to live in the now.
My best friend who’s this optimistic-nice-clumsy-everything 80’s-girl who listens to florance and the machine, muse, metric etc. Who enjoys the same tvshows-movies-food-humor as I do.
I don’t think I’ve ever hung out with her and didn’t have a good time. Her spirit is simply contagious.

And of course there’s the cousin, who no matter how much I write I can never really express how close we are. it’s like she’s my backup file she knows everything . She understands me better than I understand my self most of the times. When we’re out or at a family gathering or something a simple look could explain a whole situation. We literally sit in silence and it’s not awkward or anything it’s just comfortable .

I’m the school friend, the life long friend, the best friend, the cousin, the girl who skips a lot, the girl who laughs all the time, I’m the girl who speaks English, I’m the girl that changed schools, the girl you could talk to about TVshows, the delusional sister, the mathematician’s daughter who sucks at math.

I don’t understand how am I supposed to answer that question?
Yes I have “multiple personalities” but no it’s not hypocrisy. Cause I’m basically a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

A Little More About My Self

We got a new English teacher this semester for you who have been following me on twitter the last semester know how much I hated our previous teacher.

Anyhow I wasn’t too excited because usually our English teachers suck by suck I mean like our last teacher who wrote depate instead of debate or said cock instead of cook… (I laughed my ass off no one else got it so it was ok I guess)

And in the past years I’ve had my share sucky teachers (spending the whole class trying to convince her Museum isn’t spelled with a Z)

Anyhow this new teacher taught my cousin last semester she really liked her anyways she seamed nice enough so the first day she was in she spoke like a teacher who was enthusiastic about teaching do you have any idea how rare that is ? Almost impossible

So she was asking the girls trying to find out the level of English in our class I’d give it a 4 out of 10

She told us she’d give us extra homework to add to our final marks if we did them I thought it can’t hurt? So our first assignment was to write a basic paragraph about our selves

COULD YOU PICK A HARDER SUBJECT!! Like seriously what was I suppose to write? Anyhow I ended up with this (bore alert)

The definition of Manar

My name is Manar. I am a 15 year old high school student. I go to Altarbiya Alahliya Schools. I have 4 sisters and a brother, I am the second youngest.

I like to read, write and listen to music. If I’m not on my laptop I’m either reading or on the phone. I’ve been to 4 schools in the past 4 years so I have a lot of friends.

I don’t necessarily share the same interests with my friends but I adapt quickly

Online I have friends from all over the world those are the ones who I am more comfortable with seeing as we share the same interests. I mostly hangout with my cousins though because we come from the same background and we’ve been raised together so we know which buttons not to push. I am very ambitious if it was up to me I’d study everything that is there to study be a lawyer, a doctor, a fashion designer, a writer and I don’t know an astronaut?
I love to travel and in the future I’d like to live in at least 5 cities.
So in conclusion I’d say I’m not your average Saudi teenager and I refuse to be mistaken for one.

The first week she didn’t say anything which was kind of surprising because she gave some of the girls their paragraph by the end of the week I had completely forgotten about it. Sure at first I was disappointed! I like teachers to know my level so when I sleep at class they don’t bother to wake me up knowing that all of what they’re saying holds no interest to me because it’s all stuff I already know.

Now I know that sounds a bit cocky but you really have to see our books to know what I’m talking about.

So anyhow at the end of the week she went in class with this look on her face and she said one of the girls wrote this amazing paragraph that I’m gonna read out loud. I recognized by notebook and ran to the teacher; you can’t do this I said! It’s my property I don’t want it to be read out loud. And she simply said well I asked you to write it and I’m gonna read it out loud. Don’t get me wrong I’m sharing it here with the world it’s that I’m “shy” it’s cause they worked hard on their paragraphs and well pointing out what wrong with their paragraphs while reading mine. Well that’s just cruel right?

Plus reading out the last line (I’m not your average Saudi teenager and I refuse to be mistaken for one.) to a room full of you average Saudi girls, well that’s offending right?

Anyhow she ended up reading it out loud and by the end her face lit up and she looked at me and said WOW amazing no words I really have no words just wow. Honestly I can say I’m flattered it’s just a lousy paragraph to try to describe my self to a stranger nothing “too” personal. It was nice though getting this kind of feed back.

Anyhow the reason I share this with you is because I want to share something personal and because I’ve never been at ease with saying how old I am cause I afraid I’ll be dismissed as another teenager looking for attention which is partly true but I thought hey it’s my blog if I’m not comfortable here then where?

The Physicians Oath

“I solemnly pledge myself to consecrate my life to the service of humanity;

I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude that is their due;

I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity; the health of my patient will be my first consideration;

I will respect the secrets that are confided in me even after my patient has died

I will maintain by all the means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession; my colleagues will be my sisters and brothers;

I will not permit considerations of age disease or disability creed ethnic origin gender race political affiliations nationality sexual orientation social standing or any other factor to intervene between my duty and my patient;

I will maintain the utmost respect for human life, I will not use my medical knowledge to violate human rights and civil liberties; even under threat

I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honor”

So yesterday I was watching Grey’s Anatomy’s latest episode great one memories and stuff anyways at the end of the episode Richard said the physician’s oath
My first time hearing it and I am in love with it!!
Imagine everyone applying even the tiniest part of this oath into their lives?
More service to humanity, respect will be given to those who deserve it, secrets kept which means fewer scandals, some sort of equality between men and woman, less stereotyping, loyalty and most importantly respect for human life.
I actually am considering becoming a Doctor after reading this!!
Silly? Nope not from where I’m standing! It represents everything I wish for even I couldn’t have said it more perfectly.
Sure I am Muslim, Saudi and a woman if I become a doctor I’m basically asking to me discriminated against.
But still to be apart of something bigger to be able so stand for everything I stand for and help people while doing it would be more than life fulfilling.
Anyways those were just a few thoughts that came to my mind while replying the scene like 5 times? I might end up as a doctor for all I know

I have time to worry about my future profession later right now I just wanted to share the oath in case you also feel inspired

I’m Not Lost Just Undiscovered !!

What gets me through the day/month/year is thinking that one day I’ll look back and smile on all of those things I have had to deal with on daily basis. The Hypocrites, The Liars, The Judgmental asses, The Pushovers and any kind of person who thinks they’re better than everyone else. And because of such people and such situations I have become who I am now and who I will eventually become.

Hypocrites taught me to think twice before trusting anyone.

Liars taught me to think twice before telling a lie even if it seems harmless because a liar hurt me once, now I have to think of who might be hurt by my lies.

Judgmental asses… Where do I begin? There’s nothing I hate more in life than a judgmental person. They make assumptions based on looks or beliefs and there is truly nothing worse, especially when they are aware of how judgmental they are yet think its ok!! Although when someone judges them they go crazy!!

“HOW COULD THEY SAY THAT!!? I’M NICE” Oh really you might want to reconsider that…

Pushovers have taught me to search deep within me look for my beliefs and stick with them because if I get pushed over now, what will make people take me seriously later on in life.

People who think they’re better than others… well let’s not get into that!!

But really… situations with those types of people and many others have made think twice before I say or do something. Think about the consequences of my actions. Ask myself “Is it really necessary to speak my mind all the time?”

On those crappy days where I feel like I’m all alone… on those days when someone makes me question my beliefs…. question “Is it really all worth it?”

I listen to this song (Undiscovered by James Morrison)

Now whoever wrote this song might possibly be related to me somehow…

Because I believe those crappy days… I believe they’re just a phase a chapter in my destiny, till greater things come. (I’m not lost just Undiscovered)

That’s how I survived yesterday and that’s how I will survive tomorrow, you might think it’s stupid but with me it has worked miracles!!

Ps. I’d Like to thank my friend Atif for his comments and adjusments they’re always very helpful !! <3

What gets me through the day/month/year is thinking that one day I’ll look back and smile on all of those things I have had to deal with on daily basis. The Hypocrites, The Liars, The Judgmental asses, The Pushovers and any kind of person who thinks they’re better than everyone else. And because of such people and such situations I have become who I am now and who I will eventually become.

Comment: Nice intro … clear and straightforward. Tells the type of people that changed your life that taught you to deal with such incidents later again in your life.

Hypocrites taught me to think twice before trusting anyone.

Liars taught me to think twice before telling a lie even if it seems harmless because a liar hurt me once, now I have to think of who might be hurt by my lies.

Judgmental asses… Where do I begin? There’s nothing I hate more in life than a judgmental person. They make assumptions based on looks or beliefs and there is truly nothing worse, especially when they are aware of how judgmental they are yet think its ok!! Although when someone judges them they go crazy!!

“HOW COULD THEY SAY THAT!!? I’M NICE” Oh really you might want to reconsider that…

Pushovers have taught me to search deep within me look for my beliefs and stick with them because if I get pushed over now, what will make people take me seriously later on in life.

People who think they’re better than others… well let’s not get into that!!

But really… situations with those types of people and many others have made think twice before I say or do something. Think about the consequences of my actions. Ask myself “Is it really necessary to speak my mind all the time?”

On those crappy days where I feel like I’m all alone… on those days when someone makes me question my beliefs…. question “Is it really all worth it?”

I listen to this song (Undiscovered by James Morrison)

Now whoever wrote this song might possibly be related to me somehow…

Because I believe those crappy days… I believe they’re just a phase a chapter in my destiny, till greater things come. (I’m not lost just Undiscovered)

That’s how I survived yesterday and that’s how I will survive tomorrow, you might think it’s stupid but with me it has worked miracles!!

New Year’s Resolutions

Each day could be THE day
The new beginning you’ve been waiting for.
Each day could be the day you change your life
Yet somehow we fail to acknowledge that, we associate new beginnings with the New Years
We have 364 other days to start doing something with our lives yet most of us choose to do that on 1/1/????
It could be the fact that everywhere around the world people are starting with you as if the whole world can help you when you’re dying to eat that extra piece of cake
Or they’re helping you go that extra mile, quit that job ,ask that special someone or whatever.
I my self usually have new year resolutions most of the time they’re to read more write more whine less and eat less!!
This year I decided not to write any of them down because once they’re written and posted on my mirror each morning I am reminded of what I have failed to do
Plus through out the year my thoughts and priorities change so why tie my self down
This year I decided to wake up each morning and decide what are my new day resolutions (much easier believe me)

Anyhow the reason I started this blog in the first place was to share my writings so here is something I wrote in the last weekend of 2010

365 tomorrows later.
Everything is so different yet still the same
It’s all wrong and I’ve only got me to blame
What happened to tomorrow’s gonna be a better day
I use to believe that the future will be better
but now the future is the past and I’m still not okay
What happened to if it’s right you’ll know ?
Cause I’m at a crossroad and I don’t know which one is the right way
365 tomorrows later.
I still can’t help hoping wishing
Giving and loving
Disappointing or not I’m still trying
To find that spark of love that fever
356 tomorrows later.
I’m still naïve enough to look forward to another tomorrow
356 tomorrows later.
I’m still a believer.

A question to all of you if you have new year resolutions what are they and have you started working on them ?